Last year I wrote about the importance of marriage in “An Entrepreneur’s #1 Partnership,” emphasizing the need to prioritize your marital relationship above your business. But it’s easy to write about doing so, and quite another thing to actually live it out on a daily basis.
Entrepreneurs and employees are often tempted to focus more of their attention and energies on their business or job than the relationship with their spouse. As an entrepreneur, I can affirm the struggle this dilemma often presents. And if you’ve spent any amount of time in business, you know exactly why this is.
Our businesses present a constant set of opportunities, challenges, and other “urgent” matters, that demand our immediate attention. If you’re like me, it’s all too easy to allow these demands to overshadow everything else in life. Whether it’s our relationship with our spouse, our kids, our personal health, or perhaps even our spiritual walk with God, it seems that all too often, the urgency of the immediate drowns out the preeminence of the important.
Granted, there are instances when a scenario is truly urgent in nature, requiring our immediate focus or else catastrophic consequences could ensue. These rare instances are not what I am referring to. Rather, the “urgent” issues I am referring to are the unlimited number of lesser demands that present themselves on an all too frequent basis.
If we’re honest with ourselves, we can see this reality clearly, both in our own lives and sadly in the lives of others. But in the heat of the battle, it’s easy to ignore that internal nagging voice that continues to remind us that the urgent is once again supplanting the important. And when it does, it can result in our cancelling that special dinner with our spouse, or missing our child’s ball game, because a last minute “deal” demands we do so.
So how do we overcome this temptation so that we properly address the urgent without sacrificing the important? There are at least three truths we can embrace to overcome this “urgent versus important” dilemma:
Involve yourself in an accountability relationship with someone you trust implicitly, whether individually or in a small group. Be honest and transparent with this individual in a manner that allows him to provide honest feedback. It is a rare person who can critique his own actions and choices in such a manner that he will self-correct and recalibrate his life when he veers off course. An accountability partner will provide that much needed correction to help us bring the important back to a priority over the urgent. The book of Proverbs affirms this truth when it reminds us that “…in the multitude of counselors there is safety.”
The urgent will always be clamoring for immediate attention. The unexpected and unplanned seem to show up on a regular basis, and too often at the most inopportune times. And when the urgent rears it’s head, it seems all else pales in significance. You can likely identify this reality playing itself out over and over in your own life, if you think about it. So it’s critical that we begin to identify when the urgent has arrived and that we be prepared to counter this temptation with a predetermined course of action. Whether it’s one that you’ve devised on your own, with your accountability partner, or perhaps one such as the Eisenhower Decision Principle (named after President Dwight Eisenhower), have a plan ready to deploy when the urgent shows up and seeks to derail the important.
As hard as we try, there will be times when we succumb to the urgent despite our best intentions. One truth that we know about ourselves is that we often fail to live up to our own standards and expectations. It may not be that we intended to, but old habits die hard and we frequently revert back to our old self. But this is just another instance when we must simply acknowledge our frailty, both to ourselves and our spouse and/or family, and then recommit ourselves to steps 1 and 2 above. Meet with your accountability partner, evaluate your actions, and then learn from your mistakes.
I trust that you and I will continually remember these truths and we’ll take whatever steps we need to take in order to insure that we don’t wake up someday and realize that, while we were successful at accomplishing the urgent, we failed in the truly important areas of our life. including that most important relationship, our marriage.
This last week I had the opportunity to view the newly released Hollywood movie, 13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi. Having followed the tragic circumstances surrounding the loss of four Americans in Benghazi, Libya on September 11, 2012, I was eager to view the movie. The film tells the true story of four Americans killed, including our Ambassador, during an attack by Islamic jihadists at a US compound in Libya, as a security team struggled to defend the lives of several dozen Americans.
While there were several scenes and lines that stood out to me in the film, one in particular is the subject of my post today. The main characters in the story, Jack Silva and Tyrone Woods, were retired Navy Seals and long time friends.
In the relevant scene, the two are sitting on the rooftop of one of the building in the compound they are defending, following an intense battle in which they and their small team had just survived one of what was to be several waves of attacks from dozens of heavily armed Islamists. As Jack recounts his frustration with having left his wife and children behind in the US to sign up for another stint on the security team, he expresses his bewilderment at what drives him to continue to return to the battlefield. In response Tyrone explains that, “Warriors aren’t trained to retire.”
If one isn’t paying attention in the movie, it would be easy to miss this line that succinctly explains the behavior of these Navy Seal warriors. But the line, “Warriors aren’t trained to retire” is also a statement that bears examining for possible application to our lives.
No matter where you are in life, the concept of retirement is one that has crossed your mind. In our culture, it’s commonly accepted that all who work will eventually retire and begin a life of leisure. Typically the word retirement is tied to two variables: age and economics. And it generally looks like this. A person will work 40-50 years, create sufficient assets and related income, so that when they are 60-70 years of age, they can “retire” and live happily ever after.
The “happily ever after” can change from one person to the next, but for most it ranges from moving to Florida, playing golf several times a week, traveling, or a host of other R&R type activities.
But this “conventional” approach would seem at odds with the point Tyrone was making to Jack, that warriors just don’t know how to retire because it isn’t something that is taught, or perhaps more importantly, even contemplated. While becoming a warrior involves training and know-how, to be an effective warrior it also requires a certain type of spirit or mental attitude that never quits. A warrior understands that there is always another mission and his skills and know-how are not expendable; rather, they are desperately needed by others.
When thinking of your own circumstances, I’d like to challenge you to consider what you will do with your life once you are no longer gainfully employed. Many eagerly await that day, believing that punching out that last time will be the start of all things new and better, anticipating that the grass is greener on the other side.
But I’d suggest that if we are working today to simply stop working tomorrow, we are overlooking one of life’s greatest purposes. Despite our 21st century way of thinking, the world hasn’t always considered that when one reaches a certain age or economic status, he can then simply turn his attention inward, seeking to devote much of his waking hours at that point to his own fancies and pleasure.
To the contrary, I would suggest that at the point one leaves the office for the last time, it is then that one’s experience, wisdom and perhaps even passion have likely reached a crescendo. And if we believe the truth that “to whom much is given, much is required” then we will be compelled to share the wisdom and life experiences we have gained with others in need. Those “others” could be a young man who is just beginning his family and career, or a woman who is facing a difficult midlife challenge, or even an organization that is in desperate need of our expertise.
I have a friend who is an honorably discharged twenty-three year combat veteran of the US Army who beautifully exemplifies the idea that warriors don’t retire. Rather than head for the golf course or sandy beaches, Bob in his post-retirement years launched a new non-profit organization with a two-fold, synergistic mission: “To support military veterans by training and employing them in schools as classroom volunteers, tutors and mentors.” And today, Bob and his colleagues are making a huge difference in the lives of veterans and school children in my community.
So what about you? No matter whether you are in the first half of your career, or approaching those final years in your job or business, it’s never too early, or too late to be thinking about and planning for life after employment. I encourage you to seriously consider how you will invest into the lives of others in a way that will have deep and lasting impact for good… because “warriors aren’t trained to retire.”
In April 1967 one of my heroes, Ronald Reagan, gave a speech to the California Republican Assembly just a few months after being elected Governor of California. At the time, his state was facing significant challenges and he had sought to attract men and women from the private sector to help in turning the state around. In his speech he recognized the fact that in order to achieve the successes he envisioned he would need to find “men to match our mountains.”
As I paused to ponder that statement, it became apparent that this is not only the challenge of our day, but it also represents the solution to any problems you and I are facing, whether in business, in our personal lives or in government.
Mountains come in all shapes and sizes. Some are relatively low in elevation and simple to climb. It takes very little effort or special training or knowledge to scale Lookout Mountain, which overlooks my home town of Chattanooga. But travel out West to Colorado and attempt to climb some of the peaks in the Rocky Mountains, and the story is much different.
A few years back my son and I hiked up Buffalo Mountain to an elevation of 12,777, a picturesque peak that overlooked our home below in Silverthorne, CO. The hike, while certainly not the most difficult Colorado has to offer, was nonetheless more strenuous than climbing Lookout Mountain back in Tennessee and required a higher degree of fitness.
While I consider myself to be somewhat fit, there are other mountains I would love to climb, but they are mere dreams at this point. Consider our world’s highest peak, Mount Everest, at an elevation of 29,029 feet — nearly 2.5 times the height of Buffalo Mountain.
I have done some research about climbing our world’s highest peak and discovered that those who attempt to scale Everest prepare for several years prior to undertaking such a feat. One of the strategies deployed in preparing for the climb is not only to gain the counsel of experts but to also undertake a graduated program of scaling smaller mountains in the years leading up to Everest. This process of scaling smaller but increasingly larger mountains provides invaluable training, teaches critical skills, and offers the physical and mental strengthening that is required to ultimately scale the highest mountain in the world.
Just as mountains come in all sizes, so do problems and challenges. Whether in your marriage, business or our government, in order to tackle the mountains you are facing, it will require that the man is able to match the mountain.
While it’s likely most reading my thoughts here, have never scaled Mount Everest, I’m certain that many of us have faced our own Mount Everest in our personal, business or even spiritual lives. For many, their marital relationship may be their personal Everest. It may seem too difficult to scale or conquer. The very idea of beginning to solve the challenges one’s marriage poses seems as hopeless or overwhelming as confronting the real Mount Everest.
Or perhaps for you it’s the overwhelming challenges you are facing in your business, struggles that seem to hold no answer. No matter how hard you have tried, it seems that there is no way to scale and overcome the daunting task in front of you.
Given my passion for our nation, my mind also drifts to the challenges we are facing in America — difficulties that have been festering for decades and even growing to a point that scaling Mount Everest would seem to be a leisurely afternoon climb.
There’s a reason though that the struggles you and I are facing in our lives, whether interpersonal, business, spiritual or even our government, remain unsolved. I think Reagan had it right when he said we must find men to match our mountains. If there’s a mountain in your life, business or our nation that seems unscalable, I would assert that the problem is not the mountain but rather the man.
Find the right man, and you will scale the mountain. Or in your case and mine, develop the man within, and those seemingly insurmountable Everests in our lives will undoubtedly be conquered. Just as preparing to scale Everest involves an ongoing and rigorous strategy, likewise, if you want to overcome the mountains in your life, you must also develop a plan.
Find an “expert” to help you. Seek out someone who has what you want, whether it’s a successful marriage, business or spiritual life. If they’ve done it, they can help you to overcome the mountain in front of you. Call him a counselor, coach or mentor, but there’s no mistaking that the most successful people you know will credit others for their success.
Next, you must strengthen yourself mentally and spiritually. Someone who has never trained to climb a high mountain will find themselves woefully unprepared. Likewise, to tackle your struggles, begin to build yourself up. Read, read, and read some more. Find books that can help you strengthen yourself mentally. And be sure to get into God’s Word daily. There is no better discipline to strengthen oneself for whatever struggle you and I face than a daily regimen with God.
Finally, because we are broken people and we live in a broken world, setbacks are certain and will occur even as we progress in becoming the man to match the mountain. But as you and I remain committed to our growth plan and persevere regardless of the circumstances, we can be certain that the mountain you and I are facing today will be scaled tomorrow.
So, will you become the man to match the mountains in your life? Your marriage, your business and your nation are in dire need of such a man.
It’s that time of year again, when we all scurry around doing our last minute shopping for that person who seems to have everything already. And as so many of us rush around to make sure that our final purchases can be delivered in time for Christmas by UPS or USPS, it’s easy to forget just what Christmas is all about.
It’s become politically correct these days to greet others with the words “Happy Holidays.” But these two words don’t begin to touch the reason for the season. One hopes to have a happy holiday on every one of the holidays that we enjoy throughout the entire year, regardless of which one it is.
Christmas, though, is different. Sure there are snowmen, ornaments, and Santa Claus. But let’s not forget that the very first Christmas was about God entering this world in the form of a babe, in the most vulnerable manner He could come. The angels announced The Gift to all mankind to the lowly shepherds on that first Christmas night.
Jesus, as God incarnate, was the ultimate Gift of God to us. God gave Himself in the form of His Son to us and His act should serve as an example to us, in both our personal and professional lives.
If you’re an entrepreneur you know all too well the demands upon you. There’s not a day that passes, including holidays, when you are not thinking of your business and are not pulled in that direction. While you can shut down your computer, lock the door of your office and be physically present with your family and friends, it can be very difficult to unplug from your business mentally and emotionally. I know this all too well from personal experience.
But this Christmas let’s commit to making it different. As business owners, or simply husbands or wives, or fathers or mothers, let’s truly give of ourselves to those we love the most. Let’s resist the urge to check our email, work on that report, or simply worry about next week’s payroll. Those closest to you desire the gift of you. They desire your undivided attention, not merely your presence, or presents.
As we celebrate The Gift that God offered to us 2,000 years ago, let’s follow His example and give others the gift of us: our time, our attention and ultimately our love.
I trust you will have a blessed Christmas, and I pray that the Joy the angels promised will be yours this season. Merry Christmas!
Then the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people. For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. Luke 2:10-11
As this year winds down, many achievers and leaders begin to think about big picture issues. What did they accomplish this last year? What are their goals for the coming year, both personal and professional? What are their strategies to achieve those goals? But one area that oftentimes we forget to evaluate is just what kind of legacy are we leaving behind for those we love and care about?
Legacy
While this is a word we are familiar with, we oftentimes spend very little time focused on it. What is it that we want to leave behind once our days come to an end? Perhaps the reason our legacy oftentimes gets such little attention is that too often we act as if our days are unlimited, or at least we don’t see them coming to an end anytime soon.
But if we are honest with ourselves, we can think back over the last year or two and we can name at least one person and perhaps several friends and/or family, who were with us then but have now passed on. And it’s likely we can also identify young friends who believed they had many more years to live. Yet they too have passed on.
Our days are numbered. For some, that will mean that 2016 will be the year in which their days wind down. For others, it will be further into the future. But for all of us, that final day is sure to come.
Now my intent is not to be morbid or to cause us any discomfort. Rather it is to simply recognize the obvious and to plan for the day after our final day. You see, the day after our final day on earth will be the day our legacy will be revealed. But the days leading up to that final day will be the days in which our legacy is created.
In order to create a legacy, though, there are several steps one must consider.
Be Intentional
To create suggests intentionality. It infers that there is a plan with a desired outcome. Intentionality is a trait that is found in the most successful leaders of our day. And so it stands to reason that when it comes to our own legacy, we must give thought to what it is we desire to leave behind. What are the qualities, attributes, and values we desire to communicate to our loved ones and sphere of influence that will impact them in a manner that will outlive our life? We must identify those values and then begin to make choices that prioritize and advance them.
Start Now
It’s a mistake to think that one must be older in life to focus one’s attention on their legacy. The truth is one is never too young to begin to establish their legacy and we never know when our legacy will be permanently etched. I recently read of Sergeant Dennis Weichel, a 29-year-old soldier with the Rhode Island National Guard, who gave his life to save a young Afghan girl. He was described as “the living embodiment of the Army’s core values: courageous, selfless and loyal.” In his short 29 years, Sergeant Weichel established a legacy that most of us would be honored to leave behind.
Re-chart your Legacy, if needed
While it’s true that now is the time to start one’s legacy, it’s also true that it’s never too late to re-chart one’s legacy. Too often in life we find ourselves down a road that we never intended to travel, yet one choice after another leads us to a destination we regret. Thankfully, so long as we are breathing, we have the opportunity to reverse course and re-chart a new destination. And as we do, we can begin to redefine our legacy.
I’m reminded of the criminal on the cross who hung next to Jesus on that seminal day for all of mankind. We have no background on the two criminals who hung there with Jesus. But we do know the ultimate outcome of both. And literally billions of people since that day know of the decision made by the one criminal who addressed Jesus with these words: “Lord, remember me when you come into Your kingdom.” While no doubt this man’s past was one of shame and failure, with that one final choice, his legacy was established not only for the rest of recorded time but more importantly for all of eternity.
If your past is checkered and one you would rather forget, refocus your attention on the here and now. Make a decision today to change your legacy and begin on a new path of victory and success.
Find Legacy Role Models
Oftentimes the best way to achieve success is to find someone else who is succeeding and duplicate what they have done. Similarly, there is no shortage of men and women who have passed on but who left behind glowing legacies for us to follow and duplicate. I think of one such man, my father-in-law, Terry Morgan. Terry passed away nearly ten years ago and was someone who, from the world’s standards of financial abundance, would never be written up in any business journals. However, as Lori and I celebrated his life in the days following his passing, we were not only amazed but encouraged beyond words as person after person approached us and shared with us how Terry had impacted their lives. His consistent service to others because of his love for God, had such a broad impact on so many that there is no question that Terry left a glorious legacy, eternal in nature. And I’m certain that Terry has served as a role model for many he impacted.
As we wrap up this year and begin to think of the new one, let’s not overlook the importance of our legacies and what it is we want them to be. I trust the above steps will assist you as you seek to establish a legacy that will shine years into the future and influence many for good.
